No emails, no twitter, no Blackberry – an opportunity to switch off completely and enjoy being present in the here and now.

I feel like the spring bulbs that have been resting beneath the earth in my garden over the last nine months. Some of them are just starting to send up shoots that in a few months will burst into the world as subtle snowdrops, colourful crocuses and dazzling daffodils.

I believe that all of us need this chance to switch off and to refresh so that we can emerge to dazzle ourselves and others. This is within our own control rather than relying on luck or chance – we create our own luck so how are you going to create yours this year?

Many of these presents that we give are items that we believe that the receiver wants or would like rather than things that we need. Anyone giving a child clothes for Christmas will generally see the difference in their reaction to opening your present versus the latest toy or computer game.

As a coach and facilitator I am tuned in to the language that people use when they are talking about what they want to change, what they want to be different and better or how they want to be more effective. I particularly listen to their use of the words “want” and “need”.

I notice a difference in commitment to make changes and make things happen when someone chooses one of these words over the other. For example if someone says “I need to work on the relationship that I have with one of my colleagues” the use of the word “need” here suggests that this is being driven by some external force or internally from purely a rational thought. It could almost be replaced by “have to”.

If we then replace the word with “want” and the person says “I want to work on the relationship that I have with one of my colleagues” this suggests that I am making a choice. It also suggests that I am being driven by an internal desire as well as a rational thought and my commitment to making this happen is much higher. I am choosing to do this.

Listen to the words that you use and look out for “need” and “want” and consider your level of commitment to achieving it.

Just like at Christmas when our pleasure is greater when we receive something that we want rather than need we receive greater success when we truly want to do it.

I was surprised and delighted when I heard the doorbell ring
a few days after she returned and my neighbour presented me with a baby pink
miniature rose in a basket. The rose was beautiful and flowered for several
weeks until eventually the leaves began to fall and the stems were bare.

In this sorry state most people would probably have thrown
the plant away but I cut it back and put it in my greenhouse over winter.

When spring came, I saw a few shoots emerging from the dry
old stems and moved the plant into a larger pot of fresh compost with added
nutrients. Then it began to grow and grow. Large leaves sprouted and flower
buds formed until eventually they opened revealing a deep pink rose head about
8 centimetres in diameter.

This little baby pink miniature rose had transformed into a
deep pink standard one. How amazing!

This made me think how the way in which I had nurtured and
developed the rose, enabling it to reach its full size is exactly what I do
with people and with businesses. I see the capability inside everyone and
create the environment for them to grow and flourish.

Budding Potential

• This little rose that had been suppressed under artificial
  conditions and just needed the right natural conditions to release its true identity and fulfil its potential.
  What latent ability do you have that needs to be
  nurtured, developed and released?
• What potential do you see in others and how can
  you help them to grow?
• How can I help you or your business to fulfil your
  potential?

At least I feel that I have made the most of the sunshine. I abandoned all indoor work over the weekend and took to the garden for almost the entire time. Plants that I would only normally see fleetingly I could linger over and enjoy in all their detail.

How did you react? Did you seize the opportunity to enjoy the weather or did you miss it because other things were more important or urgent in your life? I appreciate that some things cannot just be abandoned when the weather changes such as visiting a loved one in hospital or tickets for the theatre or cinema that have been booked in advance.

Perhaps for some, though, it may have seemed impossible just to stop for five minutes to feel the sun on their face – I wonder…. I suppose it depends what is really important.

How fantastic now that it is daylight when I finish eating my rice krispies and still just about light when I put the kettle on for a cup of tea after work. As I think about the constant change of daylight hours I am reminded again of the amazing power of the universal environment that we exist in and our adaptability to the elements that are beyond our control.

Last night I watched an episode of the BBC’s Human Planet about living in the Arctic and I learnt that in the far north of Greenland they have over fifty days without daylight in the winter and a similar number of days in the summer when the sun doesn’t set. Thinking about this makes me feel uncomfortable and I think I would find it very difficult to cope in conditions like that but the native people have acclimatised over many years.

We naturally adapt to change and yet so often in a working environment we struggle to adapt, I wonder why?

Applying practises from NLP and the coaching work that I do, if we can do something in one area of our lives we can transfer that to other areas. Some times we just need a little helping hand. We can identify how we adapt to change in one area of our lives and then apply it to others.

I find it an amazing experience to be leading a group as they settle in to the silence and begin to become comfortable with it. As they walk, they notice the intricacies of the world around them. They notice the activity of the wildlife, the dew on the grass, the birdsong, the scent of the flowers and the colours of the berries.

I can see and feel their minds settling as they connect with nature. Their cognitive overload is silenced allowing them to hear their inner thoughts.

If you have ever experienced a time with another person or with a group when you have stayed in a period of comfortable silence, you will know how powerful this is. It shows deep respect for each other.

Perhaps next time when you experience one of those moments when someone else is going through a challenging time and your instinct is to say “I really don’t know what to say” then don’t say anything. Give them your presence and your silence as a gift.

This particular coaching session was on the telephone and silence is even more obvious, even louder, than when face-to-face with someone.

Maintaining silence can be harder than speaking and harder than asking questions; many find it uncomfortable. It would have been very tempting in this coaching conversation for me to break the silence with another question or with a suggestion. By waiting I was encouraging my coachee to travel further along his path with me by his side rather than leading the way.

Last night I watched the final programme in the BBC series The Big Silence which was about taking five people guided by Benedictine Monk, Father Christopher, and helping them to introduce silent meditation into their busy lives. Initially they spent a weekend at the monastery and a few weeks later they had a total immersion when they participated in an eight day silent retreat. The programme then followed them in their endeavours to integrate silent meditation into their normal lives.

At first all five struggled with the sudden shock of silence. With no external distractions of music, television, mobile phones, computers or conversation they were left to their own thoughts. They were left to travel on a journey of self-discovery guided only by their daily session with their mentor.

The travellers all went through some stormy weather and eventually came to a comfortable and enlightened place. The destination was different for each of them. What struck me most was that their silence enabled them to reconnect with themselves, as Father Christopher said “Silence is the gateway to the soul.”

In their busy lives the travellers had been avoiding some very important issues – and avoiding themselves.

Having reconnected the five then returned to their lives transformed, only to find it hard to recreate this connection in their normal environment. Their fast-track was through daily meditation and eventually they were all able to incorporate this in some way into their routines. Some had to make significant changes in either their beliefs or their behaviours to enable this to happen.

In a simple way this reminded me of how we go on a training course and leave with all the very best of intention of applying our new learning and doing things differently. We may have changed but the world around us hasn’t and so we often go for the easy option of falling back on old habits.

In terms of silence I wonder what you and I would discover by allowing ourselves time to shut out the world and to look internally.

I set out at 3pm making the most of the last hour of daylight. I was wrapped in several layers as the temperature was below freezing and it felt to me like I had been transported into a calm, motionless movie set in which I was the sole actor. The ground was crispy with a few remaining patches of snow and the bare trees stood proudly above the green of the grass and the brown of the earthy pathways.

As I walked I felt my mind clearing from all the chatter and clutter of the many “need to do” tasks and expanding just as my vision was expanding to see the sky and the horizon. I took in some gulps of air and could feel my chest expanding too and the air flowing through my body and my brain and clearing out the stale energy.

At times I could feel myself being pulled into my internal thoughts and once I was aware of this, I focused more on my surroundings and being in the present moment. Gradually I reconnected with my environment and nature and at the same time reconnected with myself.

During my walk I was joined by three robins, or at least I think that they were three different robins, and each hopped along beside me for a while. These seasonal companions reminded me of how much we can miss when we are caught up in our own thoughts and also the busyness of life. They also reminded me of the blogs I wrote after our December Breath of Fresh Air last year.

Finally at the end of my walk I noticed a bench by the lake. On the bench were some poppies and a poem. The poem was from a mother who had lost her son in Afghanistan. If I hadn’t already regained my perspective on what is important, that certainly propelled me from the minutia of the blades of grass to the stars in the universe.

For some help with regaining your perspective come and join us for our Christmas Breath of Fresh Air on the 13th December or talk to us about how we can help you at a corporate level.